West Volusia families take grandparenting to heart

From the Archives: August 2012

From being the reliable “Grandpop” who sends Christmas gifts over the miles, to the beloved “Nanna” who cares for her grandchildren fulltime, grandparents’ roles in their families take many forms. But though the world is a far different place than it was when they were children, today’s grandparents continue to play a valuable and valued role in many West Volusia families.

Like parenting, here’s no “best” way to do it, and we all know there’s no manual, but grandparents often provide much-needed structure to grandchildren they may not get from their own parents. The website, A-Better-Child.org, is an online resource for parents and grandparents that has identified several different roles most grandparents assume.

Grandparents often become the family historian/living ancestor; the nurturer, mentor and role model; and/or the playmate, wizard and hero grandparent.

Elizabeth Cooper, 55, of DeLand, enjoys the playmate role with her grandchildren Chase, 7, and Ruby, 2. “Camp Grandma -- that’s what I call it when I pick up the kids and we do fun things together, often the simple, fun things children did long ago,” said Cooper. “We drive with the windows down and the music loud, we make ice cream sundaes and eat them for dinner, we decorate homemade pizzas with pepperoni smiley faces, and sew pillows and have pillow fights with them,” she laughed. “Sometimes, we sit and play quiet games, not video or handheld games. We’re always doing something different and creative.”

Grandparents have seen a different world than their grandchildren or their own children have; the world is changing at break-neck speed. Because of that, grandparents often have colorful stories, and they’re the legacy keepers, too. Oftentimes, grandparents find the role gives them a fascinating peek into their own parenting, and a vision of what the future may bring, too. Adelaide Cambron, 65, and her husband Tom, 68, live minutes from their grandchildren Evan, 7, and Lilly, 3, in DeLand, have found that to be true.

“What I love about being a grandmother is that I can give (my grandchildren) my care and concern, but also leave a legacy for them,” said Adelaide. “It’s wonderful to see who they are becoming, and see snippets of my daughter, Erin, in them, too. We are very fortunate to live so close to Evan and Lilly and see them so often.”

Grandparenting isn’t without its challenges. Who would argue that as we get older, our energy levels and health may not be what they once were? Children’s seemingly endless enthusiasm and energy can make even the spunkiest grandparent need an afternoon nap. On the flip side, grandchildren keep many grandparents feeling younger, on-the-go and more active than they may be on their own. Fortunate are those grandparents who experience the love, energy, and laughter that grandchildren can bring. Grandparents can complement that youthfulness with experience, stability, and lifelong knowledge, paired with unconditional love.

For many, grandparenting is a fulltime job. Just years ago, the term “grandfamilies” wasn’t part of the vernacular. But today, the term describes the families of nearly 5.8 million children in our country. In Florida alone, nearly 480,000 children under the age of 18 live in homes where the householders are grandparents or other relatives, according to the 2010 Census.

With retirement and limited incomes, financial hardship is common in grandfamilies, and though many grandparents are fortunate to have positive relationships with their children’s parents, stressful relationships can be an ongoing struggle.

The reality is, however, that not every grandparent desires to be or has the ability to be involved in his or her grandchildren’s lives. Availability, distance, and existing bonds between their own children have effects on how much grandparents have the opportunities or interests in bonding with their grandchildren. But, what’s equally true is children benefit from a larger circle of adults who care for them and are consistently present in their lives; grandparents fill important parenting roles for today’s kids.

Some grandparents are willing to change their lives dramatically to nurture the bond. Said Elizabeth Cooper, who moved to DeLand in January after 53 years of living in New Hampshire: “My grandchildren are why I’m here. I wanted to be with them.”